I Second Guess Every Interaction: How to Stop Overthinking Social Situations (And Trust Yourself Again)
Why You’re Not Just Overthinking - You’re Coping
Did you know that 73% of adults experience social anxiety that leads to overthinking interactions?
"I second guess every interaction."
If that line feels like something you've thought—or even said out loud—you're in good company.
For so many women, especially those who've spent years trying to be easygoing, nice, or supportive, the mental spiral after a conversation can feel never-ending. You leave a coffee chat, a text exchange, a Zoom meeting... and your brain kicks into overdrive: Did I say too much? Should I have worded that differently? Did I seem rude? Should I follow up?
This isn't just overthinking. It's a pattern of social anxiety and perfectionism—one that usually started long before you realized it was there.
Why Women Overthink Social Interactions
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Overthinking, especially when it shows up after social moments, is often a deeply wired response to needing to stay emotionally safe.
Here's why it happens:
Fear of judgment: You've learned to anticipate rejection or disappointment before it happens - so you try to "fix it" in advance.
Avoidance of conflict: Even the idea that someone might be upset with you feels unbearable.
External validation seeking: When your worth has been tied to being liked, you need others to confirm that you're okay.
Conditioned self-doubt: If you grew up in an environment where you were told your feelings or perceptions were "too much" or "wrong," second-guessing becomes second nature.
The Mental Health Cost of Constant Second-Guessing
On the surface, this mental replay might seem harmless. But over time, it takes a real toll:
🧠 Mental fatigue – Constant rehashing drains your energy and clarity.
💬 Shaky self-trust – You begin to question even your instincts.
🤝 Disconnection – You're so focused on managing perception, you lose authenticity.
😔 Resentment – You rarely feel seen, and yet you're constantly working to stay "likable."
This is the invisible burnout of overthinking. Quiet, persistent, and exhausting - classic signs of social anxiety and people-pleasing patterns.
The First Step to Freedom: Building Self-Trust
The good news? This cycle can change.
It starts with noticing.
Noticing when your brain goes into rerun mode. Noticing what emotions are underneath the spiral (Is it guilt? Fear? Embarrassment?). Noticing what it feels like to want to say one thing… but default to another.
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Clients often tell me: "I'm noticing the difference between acknowledging and apologizing." "It feels really good to say what I actually think."
Those moments might seem small, but they're actually huge. That's the beginning of reclaiming your voice and overcoming imposter syndrome.
Gentle Reflection Prompts
Here are two simple, non-judgmental questions to begin gently disrupting the overthinking pattern:
🌀 "What part of me is afraid right now?"
💬 "What would I say if I trusted myself in this moment?"
These aren't about "fixing" anything. Just softening your response to yourself.
You might also find these two resources helpful as you begin shifting your inner response:
People-Pleasing Feels Safer. But It’s Also Draining You: Here’s What to Do — This post explores how to move from an inner critic to an inner ally using a simple ACT-based metaphor. It's especially helpful if you're used to managing everything with high expectations and quiet resentment.
Watch: The Invisible Burden of Being “Nice” (YouTube)— In this video, I dive into what it costs to always be the strong, agreeable one—and what can happen when you start showing up as your full self.
Each one adds a layer of insight and compassion to this work - and you deserve both.
How Therapy Can Help Break the Overthinking Cycle
As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in Pasadena, CA, I work with women who do it all across California and Nevada, including San Ramon, Summerlin, Bay Area, and Lake Tahoe. Through online therapy, I've seen how overthinking isn't something you have to "just stop doing." It's something we explore - together - with compassion and curiosity.
In therapy, you get to:
Unpack where this pattern began
Practice new ways of responding to those inner spirals
Learn how to trust your own voice again
Experience the relief of showing up as your full self, not just the edited version
Ready to Stop the Mental Replay?
If you're tired of replaying every interaction and ready to feel more grounded in your own voice, I'd love to support you.
I have limited spots available for new clients seeking to break free from overthinking patterns and social anxiety.
📆 You can schedule a free consultation to explore how we can work together to quiet the spiral and build something steadier.
You don't have to overthink everything to be understood. You get to feel clear, calm, and fully yourself.