From “Supposed To” to “Choose To”: Your Guide to Intentional Living

Have you ever felt like you’re constantly chasing all the things you’re “supposed to” do? As a therapist who supports high-achieving women through burnout and people pleasing, I hear this story often. It’s that unrelenting voice whispering: “I’m supposed to have it all together,” “I’m supposed to be more organized,” or “I’m supposed to be further along by now.”

Here’s the thing: those “supposed to” thoughts might be familiar, but they’re not facts. They’re just stories our minds create, often borrowed from family expectations, cultural norms, or our own perfectionistic tendencies. If you’re feeling run-down and disconnected, it’s time to look at how these thoughts might be directing your life—and consider a new way forward.

Recognizing “Supposed To” Thoughts

Try this quick experiment:

1. Write down three “I’m supposed to…” thoughts that popped into your head today.

2. Notice how each one makes you feel—tense, guilty, anxious?

3. Gently remind yourself that these are just thoughts, not commands.

Once you recognize them, you can decide whether they serve you or hold you back.

The Real Cost of Living by “Supposed To”

When “supposed to” thoughts run the show, you might find yourself:

• Chasing someone else’s version of success rather than defining your own.

• Feeling burnt out—that “never enough” feeling creeps in.

• Losing sight of what actually lights you up and matters most to you.

In other words, you may be doing everything “right” and still feel unsettled or lonely. If that resonates, know you’re not alone—and you have options.

Creating Breathing Room

Building awareness of what your mind says is an intentional practice. When you’re able to notice and observe what thoughts arise, then you have more agency to choose your response. It’s a little like getting an alert on your phone: you see the notification, but you decide whether to open it now, later, or not at all.

Next time you sense an internal nudge like, “I’m supposed to have everything figured out,” try labeling it:

“A ‘supposed to’ thought is here.”

Adding that phrase can help you step back and see the thought for what it is—just a passing message. This shift alone can create some oxygen between you and your mind, such that you can begin to reconnect with what you actually want.

From “Supposed To” to “Choose To”

Once you have a bit of distance from those thoughts, consider asking yourself:

1. What truly matters to me right now?

2. What do I want if no one else’s expectations were in the picture?

3. Which actions align with my values rather than external pressures?

This process is about intentional choice, not abandoning your responsibilities. You might still do what you planned, but the experience changes when you’re motivated by authenticity and personal alignment instead of fear or guilt.

A Real-Life Story:
One of my clients realized she was “supposed to” attend every social event, but deep down, she values fewer, more meaningful connections. When she started choosing only the gatherings that aligned with her desire for deep connection, she found those moments far more fulfilling—and her relationships actually grew stronger.

Making It Happen in Everyday Life

• Start Small: Pick one area of your life—like your morning routine or weekend plans—and get curious about your “supposed to” list there.

• Check In with Yourself: Notice your body’s signals. Do you feel relief or dread when you think about a certain task or event? Our body provides valuable data if we listen.

• Be Kind to Yourself: Unlearning old habits takes time. Every step—no matter how small—toward intentional living is worth celebrating.

Ready to Create More Breathing Room?

If you’re tired of feeling trapped by “supposed to” thoughts and want to explore intentional living more deeply, I’m here to help. I specialize in therapy for high-achieving women dealing with burnout and people-pleasing. Together, we can work on:

• Identifying perfectionistic patterns and setting realistic, nurturing goals

• Building self-compassion and resilience

• Creating actionable steps toward a life that truly reflects what you care about

I offer online therapy for women in California and Nevada, making it easier for you to get support from the comfort of your own space.

How I Can Support You

Ready to shift from “supposed to” to “choose to”?
Schedule a free consultation to learn more about how we can work together. Let’s chat about where you are now, where you want to go, and how therapy can support you in living more intentionally.

I’d Love to Hear Your Thoughts

What’s one “supposed to” you’re ready to rethink? Share in the comments below—your insights might inspire someone else to embrace more intentional living, too.